People keep asking me, "How are you doing?" I don't have a good answer for that. The truth is that I'm doing OK considering this is only the start of the third week without Bob. But OK doesn't mean I feel anyway near normal. It just means I'm coping and getting the important things accomplished.
Grief has stages, so I may be doing OK today but maybe not so OK tomorrow? What do people want to hear when they ask that question of a new widow?
I'm probably way over analysing that question, so let's chance the subject and talk about how the dogs are doing.
Glory, the 60 pound almost 15 year old lab mix:
Glory used to sleep next to Bob's side of the bed. Since Bob's death she's been sleeping under the kitchen table or under a table in the living room.
The week before Bob died, we though we were going to lose Glory. She wouldn't eat and couldn't walk without help. Bob said the last sad goodby to her before I took her to the vet who diagnosed a urinary tract infection and 25% kidney function.
It only took two days of antibiotics and Glory was back on her feet, hungry and feeling as peppy as an almost fifteen year old lab can feel. It was so wonderful to be able to bring Bob's dog back to him for his final days. She's on a special diet for her kidney function now. Still, I suspect she won't be with me much longer.
Sunny, the 15 pound very mixed breed with advanced osteoarthritis of her spine:
Sunny has been sleeping under the bed instead of in the bed where she used to cuddle up next to Bob. She does occasionally cuddle up next to me at night and when I sit with the laptop. I can tell she misses Bob.
Pappy, the 15 pound very old Papillon rescued nine years ago:
Pappy has always been a needy dog, full of love and wanting to be with his people. He used to sleep on the pillow above my head and follow me around all day to be close whenever I would sit or recline.
Now he sleeps cuddled up next to me, which is a comfort and a blessing. He still follows me around all day and gets very nervous when I leave home. Sometimes he whines at me to settle down and snuggle with him when I am home.
I've read about dogs with separation anxiety, but never experienced it first hand. Dogs have personalities and smart dogs, like all three of mine, know when something is not right. Pappy is the least secure because of his history and sensitive personality.
I'm giving him lots of love and attention whenever possible. He's old, he had a difficult life before he came here to live, and we both need each other right now.